I'll admit it. I am a freakishly obsessed person when it comes to my Harry Potter. Some people like LOTR, some like Hello Kitty, I like HP. I've read the books more times than I can remember, likewise with listening to the audiobooks. I read both Goblet of Fire and Order of the Phoenix in less than 12 hours the day they came out. This is, ironically, exactly why I hate the new Harry Potter movie: Hermione Granger and the Prisoner of Azkaban. What? You say? That's right. The title of the movie should be changed to the above. This movie has been utterly perverted be it's moron of a director and it's sheep of a screenwriter. I don't ask much from movie adaptations. I ask that they remain faithful to the books unless there is a reason not to. If something would be impossible to do onscreen, or if it seemed unrealistic to watch, fine, change it.
But when you make changes which are WORSE than the original material, that's just asinine. There are so many things about this movie that were changed from the book that SUCK ASS that I'm forced to list as many as I can remember from my two viewings of this piece of shit.
These will not be in order, nor will they contain spoiler warnings, and they will contain spoilers, not that you should need them, read the books.
Hermione Granger is not the central character in this story. Yet she is in the movie. Every time Ron is given something cool to say in the book, guess who says it in the movie? Yep, Hermione. And it's not just that, either. Hermione has been radically altered in this movie from both the first two films and the books. Hermione is brilliant, yes, but she is also NOT vain, she isn't a bitch, she isn't a bully, and she isn't a fucking superhero. The Hermione I know would never, in a million years, poke her head out from behind a tree to inquire if her hair really looks like that from the back. She would never, in a moment of young James Potter type bullying, hold her wand to the throat of a simpering coward, no matter who it was. She would never leap on a branch of the whomping willow and ride it around like a carnival ride. She would not nor could she grab Harry's shirt and throw him down into the tunnel beneath said tree. This actually brings up an actually worry in my mind: Was Emma Watson safe on the set? I'm not talking safe from injury due to stunts. I'm talking safe from Alfonso Cuaron's obsessed cock. It's obvious that he (the director) was obsessed with Emma during this production. The above are just a few examples of how much the story was changed to give her the spotlight. I hope he didn't use this as a way to take advantage of her. She is only 13 after all. and 13 year old girls in the real world aren't the sharpest tools in the shed. I hope she was supervised properly and that they didn't spend any time alone together.
This modern day look this film has acquired is shit. It completely took me out of hte story, seeing girls in low-riding bell bottom jeans and whatnot. JK Rowling was wise when she dressed all her characters in robes. That way she would have to deal with the idiot changes in popular fashion. In 5 years the costuming in this film is going to look ridiculous.
Ron has become Neville, there to be made fun of and lauged at. They are called a trio for a reason. Each has a unique role to play with regards to each other. Hermione is the brain, Harry is the bravery, and Ron is the will to do it. Ron is NOT a whimpering coward. Ron is NOT second class to Harry and Hermione. That moment in the hospital wing where they tell Ron that he's crazy for thinking they could be in two places at once. Nope, totally wrong. They would have immediatly shared what had just happend with him. There's a reason he was passed out in the book. They didn't have to deal with that moment when he was unconcious. Again, don't change what isn't broken.
Lupin did not fuck Harry's mom. I know this from reading the book. Can someone who just watched the film say the same? Nope.
Ron and Hermione hate each other through most of this book. This is, I am convinced, going to help set up their eventual releationship. Cuaron instead chose to direct them to act as if they were already in a relationship. The loving way Hermione stroked Ron's chest after the faux-beheading. Ugh. God save me from pretentious Mexican art film directors. Go back to filming your incest flicks fucker, and leave my films alone.
Harry's dad's nickname was Prongs. Why? He could turn into a stag. Cool huh? Too bad the sorry bastards who only watch the movie will never ever know that. All they'll have is a question as to why there was a glowing deer in that one shot.
This book was THE perfect book for a faithful adaptation. It had everything needed for a great movie. It wasn't too long. Everything was already trimmed down and flowed really well. There was alot of emotion thoughout. Yet this film is just slapped together moments. It's as if they just had index cards with all the moments in the book on them and they just shuffled them up, not bothering to pick up the ones that fell on the floor. Card 354: Twins give Harry a map. Card 332: Buckbeak is sentenced to death. Too bad no emotional info was on the cards too. Hagrid informed the trio of Buckbeaks fate with the emotion of one telling his wife he found a scratch on his car today.
I'm done for now. I WILL continue this later. My fingers are tired.
Just finished watching the lame MTV movie awards... Does that show get worse every year or is it just me?
Anyhow... All these fucks were wearing buttons and shirts and shit with vote kerry on them... Hence this post.
What follows you might call an open letter to the entire hollywood community. But since republicans in the industry tend to keep their mouths shut anyway, this is mainly directed at the Michael Moore fans out there:
KEEP YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS SHUT.
Sure everyone in this country has a right to have an opinion about politics. Where do we get to express that opinion? Where can everyone have an equal say? In the goddamn voting booth. That's right. Just because you are on goddamn MTV doesn't mean your political ideals are worthy of sharing.
Here's a little example of my point, you assholes. What do you all think of paparazzi? You hate them, right? You feel your personal lives are your own and you should be left alone, right? Then where do you get off having the balls to think that you should espouse your political beliefs for all to hear? You want people to keep out of your private lives yet you want to intrude your private lives into ours? That, my Hollywood friends, is called hipocrisy. Say it with me: HIPOCRISY... Very good.
So, what have we learned? Shut the fuck up? That's right.